learning new things:

      For the past two months I have been working hard trying to restore the photos to all my older posts.  I don’t have a complete understanding of what happened, why the photos started to disappear – but by going post by post; pulling them into Windows live Writer, locating the correct photos in my extensive archives and reinstalling the photos onto the post, I was able to re-load all but 5 or 6 photos.  Those that I couldn’t find, I substituted another similar one. The benefit to all of this work is that I re-read all the posts; corrected (well tried to correct) sentences, punctuation and spelling errors, and I was able to enjoy all over again what I’d thought, then wrote, re-living as you will, the experiences. 

    The posts I wrote in 2007 and 2008 while with RioRose, tended to be short and not particularly well written.  During those years, I was posting directly from Blogger and writing in English from Brasil and Blogger would spell check in Portuguese – effectively making spell check unusable.  Then in 2009, I began using Flowers and More exclusively and creating the posts in Live Writer most of the time.  By March I had joined the Friday, My Town Shoot-out gang and as the year progressed, I seemed to write longer posts and they seemed to have more thought given to the structure of the post.  I am sure that this is because I now had an audience that was made up of good writers and photographers…. and I am competitive by nature…. so I made more of an effort to be understood.  I still had a gazillion typos – spelling – wrong word usages but the posts were definitely better written – being competitive apparently does not equate to being detail oriented.  Actually my most major flaw is that I think I do it right so I don’t check my work, always has been my problem and I’ve not learned to correct my behavior over time.  Just getting older not wiser…

     This week’s topic is using the rule of thirds to show your town.  Rebecca gave us all a short lesson on the rule of thirds way back, but except for our own desire to try using it, we hadn’t delved deeply into the photography aspect on a shoot-out.  She has given us quite a few lesson in photography and I think I have read them all, adjusted my photo taking with each; so from both her lessons, things I’ve read and the just plain volume of photo taking, I think I have become a better ‘picture taker’  (I still refuse to say I am a photographer puts too much pressure on me.)  Because of my adjusting my photo taking a little bit over time, my curiosity this week was how often do my favorite photos follow the ‘rule of thirds’ without conscious effort.  So I went through my archives and pulled a few photos into an editor and by selecting the ‘crop’ edit was able to overlay the photo with a 9 square box.  Then I ask myself, what is the center or the main focus of the photo, adjusted the crop to put the point in the center or along one of the lines of the center box.  Frankly I didn’t see much, if any improvement in the photos.  The one that is now my header photo is one I thought ‘rule of thirds’ before I snapped it, tilted the camera in order to have about 1/3 ground cover, one third grand palm, and 1/3 sky and framing trees.  And of all my fooling around with the editor this quick photo is my favorite….. of all the edit probably the last one has the most significant difference - tell me what you think. 

Before	After

Near Disasters and other Blogging Issues

Blogging:  Blogger, Picasa, Google (corrected)

I have been blogging since early 2007, for over 5 years and 500 postings. I have been going along pretty much under the impression that I knew what I was doing. The years have passed with me thinking I knew how blogger worked; how to make my post on Window’s Live Writer; how to edit after posting – on and on the list of what I thought I knew goes.

A few years back I had an episode with ‘Flowers’ or more accurately the photos on the blog not showing up and I seemed to have resolved it, increasing my feelings of well being and eptitude. The problem that time was that Google wanted to be paid for storing my photos from the blog online. I had just started to maintain the MTFSO blog as well and had taken over picking the Friday Spotlighted photos. Rebecca sent me her web album with all the photos she had chosen over a few months (Sorry Rebecca I don’t remember how long you and Gordon kept up the MTFSO blog) and I added the photos to mine, increasing my web album size, exceeding the free storage and I had to pay for additional storage. While resolving this problem I found out that your photos are not on Blogger but stored with Google’s Picasa Web Albums. This took me some days of aggravation, some resistance to paying, and then I did what I needed to do and upgraded my online storage to 80gb, thinking the problem solved.

This box is intentional – being used as an example

---

See this big black square. This square represents a photo that is no longer ‘linked’ to my blog’s post – The photo has gone missing. Several months back I came across a few black squares, then more, until finally I noticed that all of the photos in 2009 were missing. My first thought was that I, for some reason, was out of memory again. But that wasn’t the problem, I was using only 13% of my paid online storage. Over the next couple of weeks I went crazy. I ‘talked’ to Live Writer’s tech support….. wasted breath, joined the Picasa Help Forums ending up with THOUSANDS of unrelated posts in my mailbox, I played with my web albums – MISTAKE because I didn’t really understand how they were stored and linked – I now had photos missing in part of 2010 as well as 2009, and 2008 – and then 2007. This last month I almost deleted “Flowers,” throwing in the towel, defeated; there were over 180 posts with photos missing. If the blog didn’t hold such meaning to me; my thoughts about living in Brasil, experiences when traveling all these years, I would have. I am still not sure of what happened but I will tell about what I do now know, and see if we can make sense of it.

 

Have I lost any of you bloggers yet? There is a good chance that everyone in the blog world except me understands how this all works but let me tell you what I’ve found out over the many hours worked on this problem and it might help you sometime in the future.

And you can tell me if I am missing more information or understanding

• When you start your blog, (with Blogger and maybe with other services) and start loading photos onto the blog, a web album is created in Picasa / owned by Google. The name of your blog is the name of the folder and the account sign-in is the same as your blog username and password. You can find your web album here
• If you delete a photo from your blog, it is deleted from the Picasa Web Album folder and if you delete a photo from the Picasa web album folder it is deleted from your blog.  If you move the folder the link to the blog can be broken - even if you move it back later. [i.e. copied to my computer then synched back into the web album – I think this was one of the mistakes I made]
• If you have Picasa on your computer, it acts as a photo organizer / editor only, with the capability of uploading your photos folders onto the web album. (to join your automatically generated Blogger folders.) Your photos on your computer can be viewed and edited in the Picasa housed on your computer but the photos remain in your ‘my picture’ folders. If you delete the photos through Picasa on your computer, you are actually deleting them from your computer.
• Any photos you upload from you computer to Windows Live Mail to send by email, and to post on Facebook are also loaded into your Web Album online at Picasa. (I do believe your blog has to be linked to Facebook or another album is created.)
• There is nowhere that you have to sign up or give permission for these photos to be saved in Picasa – it is just how it works. These photos in all of these auto-generated folders are marked as ‘ public’ The Picasa forum responders will tell you that they can be marked as visible to only ‘anyone that has the link’ but from my experience this week the visibility level has to be ‘public’ for them to show on your blog.  (this square appears if your folder is not Public)
• Public mean that if you tag them or describe the location where taken, they will show in Google maps and other public forums. i.e. if someone searches / Google search ‘photo Roman Forum Rome’ your photo may show up as a search result or in Google Maps.
• I do not know how my photo began to be ‘unlinked’ – What a mess – I suspect that I did it myself, or there were kinks (unlinks) as my computer crashed last year and was reloaded and crashed again then reconfigured 3 or 4 times with the Picasa housed on my computer and the web albums being ‘synched’ multiple times. Even if I’d ask for help first instead of assuming I knew what I was doing, I wouldn’t have received any help. You cannot talk to anyone person to person. You can only send your questions one at a time into cyber space and hope to catch the answer that comes back AND then send out the next question. You can only search the pre-existing questions and the answers that have been given. You can not say, ‘hey my computer crashed or I upgraded or I now have (“) operating system”
• It seems that the only way to get them back onto the blog is to reload each and every one; one at a time – that is separately! They will then have a new URL link and be visible on the blog. This is not a user friendly process. I have finished reloading 2007 / 2008 and you can tell that the photos do not load in the original format, it is hard to maneuver them into any type of position, on many posts I just left them in a long line – just glad that they will show up for anyone looking back into my history.
• ADDITIONAL INFO – as I have reloaded I have found that 
1. you can not reload using blogger ‘new’ viewer if the ‘old’ viewer was being used when you originally wrote the post. 
2. if you pull the photo from your computer versus the correct Picasa Web Album you risk loosing all your work when you re-open the post.  They just disappear again, leading me to think that Blogger will not ‘link’ the photos into a new folder. 
3. I found that using Windows Live Writer works best – open window live writer on your computer – in upper left click the file folder.  click on recent posts.  click the folder with the blog name you are working with.  click the show items box and put in the number of post back in time you need to go.  wait for all the titles to load.  find the date of your post needing correction. click on it and wait for it to load….. then click on the photo needing to be re-loaded. go to load picture – from your computer – find the replacement – configure it in it correct location (when you have a ‘black box’ highlighted the replacement photo will show in that location.)  when you ‘publish’ it seems that a new link to an ‘auto-web-album’ is being created.  (this has not been confirmed)

Without understanding how this started to happen in the first place, I can only hope that someone can make a suggestion as to how to avoid it in the future. I will appreciate any comments, corrections or additions, any additional information coming in through the comments will be posted in another post later in the week.

Out with the old and in with the new….

Today is the last day of 2011.  Can you believe it?  Each year, no matter how the individual days drag, each year seems to go by faster and faster.  Today we, Camillo and I, reflect; reflect on the good and the bad of this past year.  I know many friends and family that look back on the old year after passing over into the new.   To me you are taking a big chance by doing this, taking a chance of dragging negative Karma into the new year.  I like to reflect on the old while in the old and enter the new ready for it to be better, grander, luckier, shinier, NEW. 
For the past week I have been going back through ‘Flowers’ reading post I’ve written this year and last.  I especially like to read the comments and to remember friends I have made through blogging.  This process helps me to remember little and big things that have happened this year, to make note of changes, taking a moment to grieve and to celebrate and to put it all behind. 
While I go through the emotional review, Camillo spends hours, days, I don’t know maybe even weeks, putting together a 6 or 7 page spreadsheet:  linking categories, pages, columns, color coding, adding up all the ways that this year has exceeded or come in under budget.   We came in under in the eating out category, and over in costs of maintaining the house in Friburgo AND the apartment in Rio.  Of course, the ‘exceeds’ out number the ‘comes in under’ and on the bottom line we are only R$40K over income.  In his over the top, optimistic view of the world, he doesn’t seem to be fazed by this number,  and I am just happy that I didn’t hear about it tomorrow.  I can put it behind me starting today. 
Now, after all this reflecting and reviewing, I am ready to don a pretty blouse and dig around for some underused jewelry and to go out and have dinner at a friend’s house within the condominium, drink some toasts to “out with old” and “in with the new” come home safe, and sleep knowing next year will be brighter and NEWER. 

Y’all have a great and safe New Year’s Eve.  See you back here for a new year of thoughts and ideas.  Hugs and kisses from Brasil.

A Moment in time - The modern social networks

A thought from the veranda.

Have you ever stopped at a stoplight, looked over at the car next to you, wondering: who are they, do they live close, are they a neighbor, are they happy or are they in crisis, where are they going? What is their story?  Then the driver of the other car turns their head, looks you in the eye; a moment of recognition passes between you, there is, just briefly, an electrical current that connects you. The light changes and both cars move through the light. It is not likely that you will ever meet that person; you will never know the answers to your questions, but you will know their face, remembering always that very brief moment of connection.

Through this blog I have met many people; they visit me and from time to time make nice comments. In exchange, I go to their blog. I gain access to their hopes and dreams, their personal problems, many thoughts and perspectives. It feels that you know them. There are sometimes many exchanges of thoughts and feelings. They become your friend. Often you don’t see a real face. There is never an electrical current but often a mental one seems to be felt. Then they stop coming by. They stop commenting. Their life and interests have taken them elsewhere, to other brief exchanges of thoughts and perspectives.  Fleeting, friendships in transit; some fade quickly and some you remember several years later, feeling their loss; feeling ‘saudade’ as they say here in Brasil.

Now Facebook has emerged.  I wanted to see what all the fervor was about so I signed up. The program immediately searches your private contacts, email addresses in outlook and contacts on Skype, and says, “Ask them to be your friend”. I did, and I have to admit that I like the ‘contact’ with all my family. Through Facebook, I now see brief glimpses into the lives of nephews and nieces. I see photos of their daily activities, of their children. I hear how they feel on any given day, and in a very remote way can feel connected. I joined a group called ‘growing up in Adrian’, a discussion group that asks, ‘Do you remember when / who / what?’ I don’t, but it was fun for a while to follow, and in a remote way feel connected.  I found a few people known from the blog comments, and added them as ‘friends’ and now see them talk back and forth with their friends and family, people I don’t and will never know and find these connections to be too remote to have meaning.

I have sat here for about 20 minutes, typing then erasing sentences. They have sounded so…. well, depressing and that was not my intent, really this is only an observation on modern life, so let me try and finish  ...

…. But now a year on Facebook has brought me to this place; this place of realization that reading about peoples’ daily thoughts and activities is not being connected. This is not a moment of electrical current, a moment of understanding in the touch of a hand, or a forged friendship that will last a lifetime.  This is socialization once removed. This is city dwelling run amok; this is another short lived effort to find our place in the world, to be a part of, to belong.   I think it will be found, in the end, to be artificial and therefore temporary.  Do you remember the CB craze in the 70s – socialization once removed.  Ten-four big Charley

Simplicity.

Welcome to my One Hundredth (that is 100th!) My Town Friday Shoot-out.  Starting in March of 2009 with PEOPLE, spanning well over 2 years, learning about my towns, about my camera and very much about myself.   Along the way, I have met many wonderful ‘shoot-out gang’ members.  Being invited in, at the very beginning by Patty H in Maryland and Gina when they were first conceiving ‘My Town’. Getting to know Gordon and Chef E while putting together the Friday Shoot-out blog, and working that blog for nearly a year before turning over the reins to Doreen, et al.  Corresponding with Pauline, Jarielyn, Mark, and many others, off and on over the years; enjoying moments of total understanding and acceptance.  So many great moments like ringing the bells for Barry and participating in the final honorary post after his passing. 

You all know by now that I post based on where I am on any given Friday. I routinely enjoy giving you bits and pieces of Nova Friburgo and of Rio de Janeiro in Brasil, and from Houston, Texas my hometown, but I’ve also brought you topics from France, Italy and from other cities in South America and I hope you have enjoyed this trip through towns and cities around the world as much as I have.  A big Thank You to all that have passed through my computer bringing me interesting topics, laughter and tears, from my town to yours and back.

And the one hundredth – Simplicity.

Another view, another mood from the veranda in the mountains north of Rio,

As the day begins in the Valley Stucky, Nova Friburgo, RJ, Brasil.

June 14, 2011

Accumulated Memories

I woke to blinding sunlight this morning. 

I forgot to close the shutters last night, and as soon as the sun clears the mountain tops to the east, it glares off the top of the clouds in the valley and bounces, sending bright, white light right into our bedroom.  Now at almost noon, the clouds have risen out of the valley and are sitting on the mountain ridges, causing the house to feel damp and cold.  It is probably 70 or so degrees, but feels 50.   With the blinding light, I woke to thoughts of our last trip to Italy in September of 2010.  The past 18 months have been so fast and furious and I have missed telling you about so many happenings that have now come and gone.    This morning after 7 full hours of sleep all of those accumulated memories are swirling around in my head, ready to be talked about.   But where to start.

I sent about 3 hours this morning going back through the blog, skimming through titles and looking at the photos that I shared.  I noted several things.  I’ve not been consistent with labels and my dialog has been very short, stunted even.  Not much fun for you the reader, and I am positive not much fun for me to write.  The labels are not terribly important – used mostly by the search engines and by me when I want to find a topics I’ve done in the past.  I can just imagine that most visitor to ‘Flowers’ are not even aware of the label list, let alone saying, “lets see what Ginger had to say about ‘travel in Brazil’ this morning” and then spending 3 or 4 hours driving the roads of Brasil through my photos.   Hum, just imagine.

But the other problem, the dialog being short and stunted, now that’s a real problem.  That could mean several things: I am bored with the topics, I am bored with blogging in general, I don’t have anything to say – now we know that it isn’t number 3.  I can talk, and talk; talk for hours if only someone would listen.  If I wanted to sit here another hour I could come up with more reason why the writing has gone to the...... dumps.  But If I want to get to the bottom of it – my thoughts have been dark and whiny, and I’ve just not wanted to put on paper.  (SCREEN?)  I’ve gone through these spells before, and they always go away and it seems that with the blinding, white light this morning they have receded back to where they come. 

I know it is May 2011 but today I make my New Years resolutions.   1) to write more about what I find interesting.  2) To put my photos on the computer in order – eek!, I have been downloading onto my laptop for nearly a year without moving them to appropriate folders on the external.... what a mess.  3) to make and send my mother a card with a photo on it a minimum of once a week.  So she receives real mail once a week (letter enclosed, of course).

this week’s flower for my Mom,  wild morning glories.

A Brief Celebration – to mark the landmarks

On Friday sometime during the day I passed a blogging landmark.  22,222 visits.  When I opened the blog on Friday morning I saw 22,212 and thought - I have to pay attention, maybe I can see who is the 10th visitor today - but by the time I’d run around all morning and reopened Flowers in the afternoon it was already logging @ 22,235.  As most landmarks do these days it just slipped by unappreciated and uncelebrated.  So now I will say in the Texas tradition, “yeah, yippee – yi – yo – kayah” (song sung by Bing Crosby)

I have been in the USA just a few days short of a month.  I’ve seen my mother, had my eyes examined and new glasses are ordered.  I have offered on a new townhome and am in the process of negotiating the cost of the items that are listed on the inspection and am building a budget for the upgrades I will want to do.  I had a very pleasant lunch with my stock fund manager and arranged for the cash I need for the townhome, and this next week I look forward to going into the office a few days and working a bit – it wont be much just filling in at the front – but its with people and I will enjoy that beyond measure.   

Actually this next week will give me a taste of the schedule that an average working mother goes through here in the states.  Patty is taking a 3 day trip out of town and I will get to make sure Marissa’s volleyball practices and other activities are monitored and transportation made available.  The days will be long and happily full.

Also since being here I have gone on a couple of walks in the local parks.  Two different ones that are pretty close to me. (no walking with alligators adventures so far this visit)   I have found 4 different small parks with hike and bike trails where I can get a good 45 minute walk but I will talk in the next couple of days  about just these two.  Great little spaces for the local residents.

In Memory of Barry

 

 Barry said... “That was a surprisingly different powerful post, GingerV.  Sometimes a few carefully crafted words are better than a thousand pictures.”

What a complement.  Barry made this comment on my FSO post ‘Incongruous’ and I can remember the pride I felt that he would like how I wrote.  I like hearing from all of the FSO gang but to receive a comment from Barry was special, made my day.  I think of him as the master. 

  He used metaphor as a way of expressing his feelings, his fears, his joys as he made his way through life’s adventures. 

On July 29, 2009 soon after the cancer diagnosis, in his post ‘dreams of Lindsay’ , using metaphor, he talked of his fear of the future, fear of the pain and sickness he might have in his future, of the comfort he felt at home in front of the fire with Linda and his memories.  If we took the time to read carefully we knew exactly what he felt.  Barry wrote,

Lightning flashes and rain begins to thunder against the roof. Lindsay comes scampering out of the dark of the back office, slows to a halt at the reassuring sight of Barry and Linda in the living room, and then walks at a more dignified pace over to the fireplace.
What, me scared by a little lightning, she seems to say.
At the fireplace she begins to walk in circles, scratching periodically at the carpet. Round and round she goes scratching the carpet into a more comfortable nest, before she flops to the floor with a window rattling thump.
….A distant thunder roars and rumbles across the sky and the beat of the rain increases.
Lindsay closes her eyes and is asleep within seconds.
Barry watches her with amazement. She looks so comfortable. By now she has recognized an unfortunate change in her daily routine. No longer does Barry take her for runs, or even walks around the block. He is wrestling with a nauseating dizziness that has confined him to his chair and bed. A world swirling vertigo that shows no sign of let up or improvement.
So Lindsay has stopped reminding him that the time for her walk is overdue. She isn't happy about it, but she has come to accept it.
In her sleep, Lindsay has rolled over on her side and her legs and nose have begun to twitch. Barry notices her eyes moving rapidly back and forth. Lindsay is deep in a dream.
No longer before the fireplace, Lindsay runs the pathways of the meadow at the top of the Scarborough Bluffs. Everywhere she is enticed by fragrant scents that lead her off the path, deep into the bushes and tall grasses. Here the sun is always shining and a gentle winds ruffles the hair on her head and long floppy ears. She recalls her encounter with the coyote and the naked man, the grieving Hindi family and the fashion models. Her heart beats faster at the memories of running the beach at the bottom of the bluffs and watching a huge flock of seagulls take to the sky as she runs into the midst.
And then the telephone rings and Linda answers it. Lindsay reawakens to her place before the fire and the sound of the storm outside. She yawns and sighs and looks over at Barry, reading quietly in his chair.
Then closes her eyes once again and returns to sleep….. ******************************************************
Posted by Barry at 10:07 AM                   

 Managing to hold onto his humor, not giving in to whining about his losses, being strong in the face of great adversity, being strong for us his blog pals even as his body weakened, this is how I will remember Barry and will continue to feel honored that I was allowed to know him these last two, too brief years. 

It doesn’t happen often …

In this life, out of a 52 week year I have maybe 6 weeks that are really busy. It happens the most often when I am traveling or getting ready to travel and this week was no exception. In the past – when I had a life – the spring was always this busy. When I worked I was always the company’s ‘mother’s march against birth defects’  instigator / coordinator – I was always taking a class at the university – I was in the accounting departments so we were closing the books which meant long hours – I was doing my own taxes (first husband owned a business in which I kept the books and did the taxes)  –  in a later time I also started playing soccer in the spring – I was an office manager so there were attorney retreats – and a completely separate list of extra to-dos.  So by the time mid-April came and went I was one tired and happy puppy …. you see I love being busy, the more I have to do the more I get done.

When we moved here and my ‘retirement’ became official, my list of things to do shrank and shrank again as I put taking Portuguese classes, then the post-grad course was finished and behind me, and time - in the best of descriptions – DRAGS. This year I can’t believe it is already March. I have been unusually busy. In January the computer crashed then crashed again, throwing my life into chaos; new operating systems, finding and reloading programs, doing it all over again on the second crash and I then deciding to go to windows 7 and trying to make programs work that haven’t yet caught up to 7.  I am still not in full recovery but today I am caught up with two months of my little accounting job, I have sent emails to a few friends that haven’t heard from me in months (have to tell them I will be in Houston and available for laughing lunches). I have cleaned out my closets and drawers making ready for my new cloths (anticipated shopping).

We had 40 people for a cookout (churrasco) on Saturday (happy birthday to me) and 4 family members stayed over for breakfast on Sunday – I cooked for both occasions along with a churrasceiro who cooked the meat.  Last week was shopping for dishes – we threw out the plastic ones - 20 years old. I needed more table cloths for the outside tables – fabric. I needed to shop here for what I take there as presents – and there I will shop for what I bring back – just a fact of life for an expat. So along with the party on Saturday this week was wonderful.

Camillo left for Rio to get some rest – he worked like a dog putting up tents because it finally decided to rain this week and balloons and cleaning the wine cellar – I will join him on Wednesday, then travel on Sunday and will hit Houston running on Monday morning….. can’t wait.

Silent readers and shots in the dark

I suppose I could say that it takes a lot of courage to post a blog. To put your thoughts and feelings right out there in cyberspace to be read by thousands of unknowns, strangers, thousands of possible readers that don’t know me.  I say thousands because my stat counter is a ways over 15K hits – but lets just for the sake of argument say that only half are actual hits…. the others represent my postings, readers going to the slide shows or other links then coming back to go to another link, one hit being counted many times. A good percentage of these 7k or so readers are unfamiliar to me. They read and move on, looking for who knows what, rarely leaving anything behind to mark their passing except a number on the stat counter and a place in line on the live feed.

The majority of the comments I received are from regular visitors and when they do leave a comment it is positive, encouraging, and you can follow their link back to their blog and see who it is that is making a comment, say something to them in the way of thanks – sort of a blog world courtesy stop. I always post the comments I receive, (well they are positive so why not) except when from a commercial blog site, or there is no open link to tell me who is commenting.

Today I received one of the later types. Before going to lunch I read the comment which caused a slight lurch in my stomach because I so hate to be disliked by even a stranger, I tried to follow the link to see who this was – a blank profile page was all I found – so I deleted the comment and went  to lunch with family (Brazilians all, that I love and admire). During lunch I brought this up for discussion – we wont go into that – it is beside the point. But this gave me opportunity to think out loud about the content of the comment, and what I said that offended him so greatly.

In Response to my ‘My Town’ post on February 18, this shot in the dark was made …..”Picture a Brazilian visiting New York, and in the subway he noticed that the station name is Franklin D. Roosevelt. He never heard of this guy, and after some research he finds out that Roosevelt, as US President, declared war to Japan. He concluded that Americans must be dumb to elect and honor a war loving guy. Your "research" on Getulio Vargas lead you to as absurd conclusions as of the Brazilian in New York…..”

So here I am putting my thought and feelings back out into cyberspace, risking further humiliation and ridicule because I have something to say about my blogging.

1. I do not profess to be an intellectual - As I explain in my profile, I am someone far from home. I have limited ability to share my thoughts in the town in which I live. So I write my thoughts out for strangers. This is the sad truth.
2. I do not make my living nor am I in any way a research guru – add one and two together and you are likely to get surface information only – if you want to know more do your own research.  I will say here that I sited the page for this ‘research’ so if anyone wanted to read the whole thing it was easily available – this site was pretty basic. It has 1 or two paragraphs on the election history and also a small paragraph or two about the social good – the train system for one and the unions to protect labor for another, that Vargas pushed through.
3. From the mouth of a Brazilian, “Brazilians have a love - hate relationship with this President. Some love him for the good he did and some hate his methods”
4. From Camillo who loves Brazil unconditionally says - (and I think him right and would go into this with a 50 page fully sited dissertation if I weren’t just writing a blog) – he says that this is no different than those that vote for Chaves, or Silvio Berlusconi or for GW Bush…. or many, many of our political leaders of today (ours’ as in the world’s) whose true character is there, staring us in the face before the election and that let us down, kicking us in the teeth with the truth, once elected.
5. And not to prolong this argument but FDR – Kept the American people out of the war from 1939 until we were attached by Japan in late ‘41 – the comments made are by the shot in the dark reader are valid but to equate FDR or Vargas is a stretch – Maybe using GW or Nixon would have worked better.

To be really fair though – I normally talk about my feeling – in this there can be no right or wrong – I don’t write about religion, or abortion or other culturally sensitive issues and if I were going to change this, to make any political type statement, I should have taken the time to write one more line in the fun-loving FSO and given a list of good Vargas did in his years in power. So after a day of thought and reflection I don’t have any problem with the comment and am now sorry I deleted it…. but do still feel that if a reader feels strongly about something I’ve said and wants to add to, or contradict, to help me in understanding my new home, then I would like very much to be given their name and an email address so I can respond….. not just feel I’ve been - shot in the dark.

200 and counting......

The only sounds you may hear (see) coming from Friburgo this week is the sound weeping and screeching, and ripping of hair from the roots. I am at over 200 update downloads, plus restarting of the computer when it just stops AND the download of a temporary office program (because I think my Office 2007 disc is in Rio) AND its updates to make it work properly, and my Internet link stopping .... and the fix needing to be download (my wireless adapter not working, needing to be updated because the operating system is updated???) If going crazy burned calories I would be wasted away to the bone. I fear though that this stress makes me hungry for cookies .... the old viscous circle. did you know that the auto backup only backs up data files, no programs? Did you know that if you replace the hard drive the auto backup thinks it is a new computer? Did you know that when you start up a new hard drive with a new download of Vista and the user name / computer name is different than the old - the auto backup thinks that you don't have permission do import the files..... ?   Did you know that if you follow the instruction and create a user by the 'other' name - those files are private and can't be shared by the user with the 'new' name.... ????? the nest sound you hear may be my patience exploding.....

computer woes.....

I finally got my computer back - but it has only the operating system and its tag-alongs..... I have to rebuild completely starting with the updates to Vista so it quits dropping off - this morning got internet configured and will start the update cycle - hope to be up and running by thursday or so. I do have a back up of date files on 11-18 = as soon as I figure out how to restore from backups I can get my computer looking like normal....

just a moment for fun -

passed to me from Sarah Lulu at http://serendipitylulu.blogspot.com/ normally don't do this but because I like this girl from down under will give you my answers. 1. Where is your cell phone? purse 2. Your hair? flat 3. Your mother? American 4. Your father? deceased 5. Your favorite food? Tex Mex 6. Your dream last night? confusing 7. Your favorite drink? dram buie 8. Your dream/goal? survival 9. What room are you in? myoffice 10. Your hobby? Photography. 11. Your fear? aloneness 12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? alive 13. Where were you last night? blogging 14. Something you aren’t? patient 15. Muffins? blueberry 16. Wish list item? writing 17. Where did you grow up? Arizona 18. Last thing you did? cooked 19. What are you wearing? shorts 20. Your TV? widescreen 21. Your pets? dog 22. Your friends? distant 23. Your life? lost 24. Your mood? Relaxed. 25. Missing someone? Yes. 26. Vehicle? Audi 27. Something you’re not wearing? bra 28. Your favorite store? Macy's 29. Your favorite color? turquoise 30. When was the last time you laughed? breakfast 31. Last time you cried? August 32. Your best friend? daughter 33. One place that I go over and over? past 34. One person who emails me regularly? daughter 35. Favorite place to eat? Itahy

Chin hair and other unanswered questions

 

Since early of 2007 when I started blogging as a guest writer for notamissionary by Riorose and then creating “Flowers’ in January of 2009, I have been using blogging as a means of expressing myself as a foreigner in a foreign land, showing my photos (hopefully as they have improved), and as a means of talking about places I have traveled.

Lately I began to interact more in cyberspace. Looking at other’s blogs and photos, and reading their thoughts and making comments that do not really constitute conversation. It is like that game often played at New Year’s Eve parties where you attach your wish to a balloon and with the help of some hot air, send it up into space – will it land where it is valued or be found and entertain?

I have found that the more I look and read other blogs, the less I write on my own. My head has become full of questions and confusion, full of sadness and feelings of loss. I have been afraid to write about what is bothering me. Afraid that I would be read by this large group of cyber writers/thinkers, I would be found whiny and negative. Unpleasant. They all seem so bright and poetic, so talented. Their lives so full of family and fun. Their problems when mentioned seem to be real problems. Mine have become insignificant, superficial by comparison in my own mind.

I am exhausted by the effort. The effort to stand straight, to be in balance, to always see the world as a beautiful place. This is not natural. There are bad days, there is sadness, graffiti, trash, loss, hunger – why are my feelings less because they are mine? Because I live in a nice house with a beautiful view, and I take no pills for a major illness, because (pray) Camillo and my families are well and prospering, why can I not talk about what does bother me? Why is it not important that I feel thick and stiff, and hate the face hair that has taken over as I age? Why isn’t it important that I am not where I need to be to help with my mother and my granddaughter? Why isn’t important the I feel life ebbing away as I sit in this house on the hill? Why isn’t it important that I fear losing Camillo who is only 4 years younger than Luisa?

This past month I have missed my friend Luisa who passed last month. I miss her for many reasons, but the most because she was my sounding board. With real and immediate feedback about what I was saying. She was always without fail on my side. I did not need to be perfect in front of her, over the 20 years of our friendship she had heard it all. I have been told that she is in a better place now. We would like to think and believe that, but no one really knows, and for me having her here was the best place.

I think that I will no longer write comments on other blogs. Maybe I wont even visit them. I need to drop out. I need the feeling of being anonymous, so I can go back to writing out my thoughts as I feel them. It is my only release, my only way to blow away some of the cloud cover and have a chance once again feel like me.

Next Friday - Shoot out

“My town – the four blocks of Main street’ (4,5, or 6 blocks) The main four corners, the traffic / cars / people / street vendors / store fronts / alleys /trash bins…. of the main parts of main street that are your town – that street's name could be Maple or Washington or of course Main or just the main drag in your neighborhood.

Time to Travel

Today I will take the bus into Rio to meet Camillo, for some good food and wine, to attend the International Women's club on Friday, and on Saturday we will help friends celebrate their 17 wedding anniversary. Over much advice from friends and relatives I have avoided this women's club. Now, on my anniversary of 6 years in Brasil, it seems the time to try and meet some new friends. We can talk another time about why I have avoided it, my reasons and excuses, but for today this is enough - to plan to go to the meeting.

I tried something new with the blog - I wrote and scheduled Friday's shoot-out to publish without my help so I can travel without my computer. I hope it works and you will not be disappointed.

 

Just in case, I give you a flower from my garden.

Thoughts from the Veranda – More Perspectives

If you haven’t noticed, my thoughts from the veranda almost always coincide with Camillo’s travel. When he is gone my schedule (HIS schedule of meals / conversation / drinks / naps / bedtime that I work around) dissolves and I become disoriented, lost and introspective. Today it is raining again so I am not actually on the veranda but metaphorically, I am thinking and contemplating life from the veranda.

 

Yesterday, I read a blog The Butler and Bagman Chronicles and something Mark (B&B) said has taken me more than 24 hours to digest and to question if this is how I feel and if not should I. He is talking about blogging and how he needs to take time away from the blog world, he says that it is "... Difficult, sometimes, to remember that there is a real world that I live in". The real world, what is a real world, who’s real world?

 

I am in my office, in our home situated on a high hill north of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – this is real. At a distance there are dogs and roosters marking their (real) world with the sound of their voices. Outside there is sound of rain, an occasional motorcycle on the road below, birds singing as they finish their ‘real’ day.  Inside my house it is silent; the only sounds are the hum of the computer and the tap of my fingers on the keyboard. If I stop writing for a minute, I can hear my heart beating in my ears it is so silent. (and I have a cold so my ears are stopped up) This is my ‘real’ world. If I type out a recipe, an observation, enter a photo or I tell a story about my ‘real’ world and I send it out into cyberspace as a blog does it become imaginary? Not of the real world.

 

I spend maybe 2 hours a day either writing or reading blogs (okay lets be fair - 3 hours, on a rainy day maybe 4). I read about 'real' life in Georgia, Maryland, New Jersey, Canada, India, other cities in Brazil and sometimes I just browse to see what is out there. There are stories about families, and dogs and the meals that have been cooked, restaurants that have been enjoyed, their ‘real’ worlds. I enjoy poetry and photography from these many different ‘real’ worlds. I often leave comments when moved by corresponding ideas and have a feeling of being a part of a very large, wide, rich ‘real’ world. This could be living vicariously (experienced through somebody else rather than at first hand, by using sympathy or the power of the imagination) but what is being a couch potato? Watching 10 hours of baseball, soccer, football, the Olympics, old Arnold Schwarzenegger movies on TV every weekend, is this living in the ‘real’ world?

 

Sad but true, blogging has taken me off the mountain top, expanded my world, added people – real people not characters from a book – to my day that I can talk with (in English), exchange ideas, keep (no matter how remote) contact with. It has added people to care about. From my perspective, sitting here in this isolated place above the forest, the world of blogs is a real world. Should this be true? Maybe another day on the veranda would answer that. Should I take warning that my life is now out in cyberspace, for now no. As long as I have family, have a husband, spend 2 hours at the gym speaking Portuguese, have interest in learning new things (mostly recipes), as long as this blogging thing is a hobby like any other hobby then it is a good thing and not to worry.

"followers"

 Is anyone else irritated by the 'new' way that the gadget 'follower's' works (or doesn't)?   I like very much having the list of those who follow my blog as it was.  I could get to you easily, read what you have to say and was happy.  Now it takes up too much space on the page and if I click your icon I get a drop down with your bio - and list of your blogs - AND a list of blogs you follow. Then I have to click your blog name again - anyway what is irritating is NO ONE ASK ME IF I WANTED THESE CHANGES.......   If they wanted to improve their gadget they should have made it easier to work with it, edit it etc.:   for example while trying to get rid of the 'Aron' gadget that doesn't have his picture, I ended up with my own on the list and can not remove it.... does anyone know how to remove an icon from the list?

Anyway, I am thinking about eliminating it and have only the list of "My Favorite Blogs" like I did originally. Not all change is for the better.

It’s a small world

The world is shrinking; aided by cable TV, Internet, and Internet phone services such as Skype and BLOGGING.   It is possible to watch international news programs, see how the weather is in Singapore, talk daily if you wish to your mother or sisters or, thank goodness, to your grandchildren and to meet people from all over the world. Several weeks ago I received an email from a man in England (UK). He was searching the Net looking for information about Brazil and more specifically about Mury and he found ‘flowers’. He has a friend here, a woman that has retired back in Brazil and is now living in Mury. He is planning on visiting her during the next few months and wanted to know more about the area. I replied and ask him to have his friend contact me. Whoopee another possible friend who speaks English!

Within 24 hours I had an email from Wendy – How Delightful! (I wrote that to sound British, do I?)

Wendy (on the left in the photo above) now a resident of Mury is Brazilian/English but has lived in the UK for many years. She has returned with many skills such as making an afternoon tea. British tea time. Within another 24 hours I was having tea with Wendy and meeting her friends from Niteroi. Besides speaking ‘very good king’s English’ Wendy also speaks Portuguese. She already knows the local names for birds and other animals in the forest.  I will start going to her home with a note pad so I can remember what she calls them; it is so great to be able to say, ‘wait, repeat that, what?’ and to use other normal communication aids.

Welcome home Wendy.

Off Line - two days W/O internet

Thank you all for your comments and emails. Sorry it took so long for me to get them posted. I will give you a blog worth reading later tonight. My Internet went down mid-afternoon Saturday and was down until late afternoon today - Tuesday. When called Gigalink said, "... cause of Carnaval.... blah, blah, blah - I get really tired of hearing this - this excuse for not doing what you pay them to do.... Later!