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Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Loss of my friend

DSC_0684Right at this moment I wish I had Gordon’s or Mark’s talent for words – how do I tell you about the jumble of feelings, sadness, anger, guilt, that I am going through. Last month – just a month ago I featured Luisa on the Friday Shoot out - celebrate life today she is gone. One short month when I wasn’t looking, one month that I was doing my normal stuff: going to the gym, having parties, going to weddings, eating lunch on the veranda, walking down for a beer at DeVassa, how petty it all seems, and she is gone.

How many times in that one month did I not call, it was to late or too early, or I was tired or mad, how many times, and she is gone.

Time I spent on the internet, blogging commenting with strangers, and she was here alone. How is this possible? 3 days she spent alone here, ill and failing, how is it possible that I did not call, and she is gone.

I keep turning to tell her something, to laugh with her as I clean her home, her history …. why am I here now when she is gone? How did I miss this last month, only one month and she is gone.

21 comments:

  1. Oh, GingerV, life, man. It does go on, while those we love struggle. Did she know you loved her? I think so.
    Hubby & I had a huge argument tonight, over something that is important to me, but not necessarily to him. This is a wake up call for me. Go easy on yourself, send her love, and sweet wishes.

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  2. I am so sorry, GingerV. I just went back and re-read the tribute to Luisa that you wrote last month. Seeing that, I can't imagine that she did not know how much you loved her. We can't be everywhere at once. I suspect that Luisa would want you stop feeling guilty, and instead remember and treasure the love you shared. You were a good friend.

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  3. Ginger, I am so sorry. My heart broke for you when I started reading your post.

    The post you did on her last month was a wonderful tribute to Luisa.

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  4. Oh dear I'm so sorry ...but how wonderful that you DID feature her in the celebration of life friday ..she would want you to continue that ...to celebrate who she was and what you had together ...

    Be at peace Ginger with the way things are ...you are meant to be here and her time was up.

    much love, God bless,

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  5. she would not, I suspect, want you to be so hard on yourself. Life goes on, we go on. We are supposed to. She went on for as long she could and now she is gone. Celebrate her with your living - I think she would want that. Regrets...ah, they are not worth it. Find peace.

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  6. You are so right, we must make sure we look in on those that even give a small meaning to our life, because suddenly the will be gone one day...your words are poetry with out any help from the others...I could feel that you miss her through your worlds...

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  7. Ginger I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you proceed over the next few days/weeks. May Luisa rest in peace.

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  8. Ginger, do not ever look back again with any guilt. You are the type of friend that every person desires to have. If everyone had a friend like you it would be a much, much greater world.
    I am sustained in the belief that this mortal life is but a moment compared to the eternal joy we feel in the presence of God. Your friend knows what a great friend you are. She continues to feel your love.
    My prayers are with you and Luisa's family that you all may cope with her passing. I'm sure her prayers are with you, also.

    Walk With Faith
    Gordon

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  9. Ginger I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. My heart goes out to you and her family. I can tell you miss her through your words and that will always be, but please try not to feel guilty. You will always have a special place in your heart for her and her with you!

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  10. Ginger, I am so sorry for your loss- will keep you in my prayers.

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  11. God Bless you Ginger, your loss and grief touched my heart. I read about your friend she looked lovely and you introduced us all to her. What a tribute that is!!!!

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  12. I, too, have been in your situation. It is so sad and we feel so bad. But the people who have passed on know that we loved them, and will always love them. She is probably looking down at you now and smiling. And I know she would never want you to feel bad. So smile, girl.

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  13. GingerV
    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of such a dear person to you and the world as a whole. It is because of you that Luisa will not be forgotten, you have given her a never ending life of your memories here on your blog.

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  14. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  15. So sorry for the loss of your friend. That photo is great and seems to be a face one would make when there is a close relationship to the photographer.

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  16. Isn't wonderful to think of all the time you spent with Luisa helping her celebrate life? Then, to feature her on your blog only a month ago..... such close friends you were! The happy times you shared together, that is what Luisa wanted you to remember about her. Not the last month, when she was letting go. It's never too late to say goodbye, Ginger. Love and Prayers.xoxox

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  17. thank you all for your kind thoughts
    gingerv

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  18. I am so sorry for your great loss. I remember the wonderful post you did on Celebrate life! You are both wonderful!
    Blessings and Prayers.

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  19. I'm so sorry about your friend. I think you found just the right words to remind us to not be so self centered and think of others.

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  20. mary, thank you and yes I didn't realize but that is exactly what I wanted to say. also, life is finite, what we don't do today can matter and matter greatly.

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  21. Ginger, I am sorry i missed this post.Grief is so much harder to bear when you carry regret and recrimination. Luisa would not hold it agaainst you, I am sure.She is in a place, where she knows what your heart is thinking..and she knows you loved her LOTS!
    I have noticed over the years, that loved ones often slip away while we are not looking. Death is an intensely private journey, and it is not your fault. Love and hugs to you.xx♥

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