Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Oops, I went to bed last night not remembering that today was Friday.... I've spent so many days lying on the sofa under doctors care and under the influence of drugs that I didn't realize the amount of time going by. Am feeling better, today I went to the gym, made it through a spinning class, bought groceries and ran home to look through my archives for something representing childhood - making memories in Nova Friburgo.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Since early of 2007 when I started blogging as a guest writer for notamissionary by Riorose and then creating “Flowers’ in January of 2009, I have been using blogging as a means of expressing myself as a foreigner in a foreign land, showing my photos (hopefully as they have improved), and as a means of talking about places I have traveled.
Lately I began to interact more in cyberspace. Looking at other’s blogs and photos, and reading their thoughts and making comments that do not really constitute conversation. It is like that game often played at New Year’s Eve parties where you attach your wish to a balloon and with the help of some hot air, send it up into space – will it land where it is valued or be found and entertain?
I have found that the more I look and read other blogs, the less I write on my own. My head has become full of questions and confusion, full of sadness and feelings of loss. I have been afraid to write about what is bothering me. Afraid that I would be read by this large group of cyber writers/thinkers, I would be found whiny and negative. Unpleasant. They all seem so bright and poetic, so talented. Their lives so full of family and fun. Their problems when mentioned seem to be real problems. Mine have become insignificant, superficial by comparison in my own mind.
I am exhausted by the effort. The effort to stand straight, to be in balance, to always see the world as a beautiful place. This is not natural. There are bad days, there is sadness, graffiti, trash, loss, hunger – why are my feelings less because they are mine? Because I live in a nice house with a beautiful view, and I take no pills for a major illness, because (pray) Camillo and my families are well and prospering, why can I not talk about what does bother me? Why is it not important that I feel thick and stiff, and hate the face hair that has taken over as I age? Why isn’t it important that I am not where I need to be to help with my mother and my granddaughter? Why isn’t important the I feel life ebbing away as I sit in this house on the hill? Why isn’t it important that I fear losing Camillo who is only 4 years younger than Luisa?
This past month I have missed my friend Luisa who passed last month. I miss her for many reasons, but the most because she was my sounding board. With real and immediate feedback about what I was saying. She was always without fail on my side. I did not need to be perfect in front of her, over the 20 years of our friendship she had heard it all. I have been told that she is in a better place now. We would like to think and believe that, but no one really knows, and for me having her here was the best place.
I think that I will no longer write comments on other blogs. Maybe I wont even visit them. I need to drop out. I need the feeling of being anonymous, so I can go back to writing out my thoughts as I feel them. It is my only release, my only way to blow away some of the cloud cover and have a chance once again feel like me.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
I was quite pleased with myself.
But once I got home and downloaded the photos, I found that the light coming in from the sky’s glare still allowed for to much detail – so I took them all (40) through the editor – darkening the shadows and am quite pleased by the results.
Not classic silhouettes but very much reflecting what you see when walking down Rua Prudente de Morais, Ipanema on your way to the hippy square.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Last week I put up a photo on the blog banner that I had played with in a photo edit program. Mostly I just wanted to see how it did in the blog format and I thought it looked great. I received a couple comments asking how I had done it – and this blog is to tell you how.
I know everyone in the world that likes to take photos has Photoshop or other less well known programs to play with or to edit out the major mistakes made when out in the world taking quick shots.
But for me this program, costing US$699 (in Brasil is R$900), is too rich just to being playing around. I went on line and searched (not wanting a free program or to hock my first granddaughter to buy it.) and found one for US$170.00 called ADCsee Pro 3.
The only thing that I haven’t liked is that ADC doesn’t have watercolor affects which I used often when I first started using a digital camera. That edit program was an old Microsoft XP add-on photo editor – and was GREAT – FOR free!
When I take a photo of flowers, for example, the best is when I just like the photo as it is, but if the color is good but maybe there is blurring in the wrong place – or like the one above – the flower shows flaws that I don’t notice with my very bad eyesight, then I like to play with an editor. Here are a few examples…
and finally -